I was recently hanging out one evening with some friends, at six feet of distance, outside, at a bonfire. I started to engage in a conversation with an acquaintance who is a firefighter. He knew of the advocacy work that I do around mental health. We hadn’t spoken in quite some time and I could tell he was a bit “on guard” for what he could see was going to be a mental health check-in that I often get into when I see him.

This was the first time having this conversation with him since the COVID pandemic began. When I mentioned that it must be tough being a firefighter and seeing so much death, his response was, “Sure I’ve seen a great deal of death, pictures in my mind I’ll never get out of my head, but others have it worse”.

Why do so many people diminish their own pain and suffering by thinking and/or declaring that “others have it worse”? Sure, others may have it worse. In fact, you could think of the worst case scenario and somebody’s more than likely got it even worse than that person. That doesn’t mean you don’t have your own challenges with which to address. This isn’t about comparing who has it worse. It’s about maintaining one’s own mental health.

It seems to me that by stating that “others have it worse”, one can avoid the responsibility of acknowledging and taking ownership for their own difficulties or struggles. After all, to admit that things are challenging would mean that you’d have to address them. And to address them takes time and effort. But if taking that time and effort to work on your own mental health would allow you to once again “feel”, to get out of the depths of depression, or to finally understand how to handle your past traumas so that you weren’t always in the “fight or flight” mode…wouldn’t it be worth it?

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. As with all of my posts, questions and comments are welcomed and encouraged.

If you’ve never heard of The Depression Files podcast (TheDepressionFiles.com/podcast), it’s a show in which I interview men who have struggled with depression and/or other mental illnesses. The goals of the show have always been to educate those who know little about depression and/or other mental illnesses, to support those living with a mental illness, and to chip away at the stigma.

I believe that sharing stories is powerful. When men (and women) hear men sharing their stories, it helps others realize that they are not alone. It also, hopefully, gives others the courage to share their struggles and, more importantly, to reach out for the help they may need.

For nearly three years, I’ve published an episode every other Sunday. I have recently decided to expand the show. On some of the “off” Sundays, I have begun to publish BONUS episodes. These are episodes in which I have a guest and we take a deep dive into a topic related to mental health. I’m excited to add this invaluable content that allows me to expand the scope of the show.

In July, I published an episode with Michael Pipich, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and author, on the topic of bipolar disorder. In August, I published an interview with Dr. Peter Gutierrez, a suicidologist, on the topic of suicide. At the end of September, I’ll be publishing an episode with a former Minnesota state representative and her experience of having a son living with schizophrenia. I will also be publishing an episode with a doctor who administers Ketamine infusions for depression, suicidal thoughts, and other mental illnesses and an episode with a woman who has received Ketamine infusions for depression.

I look forward to continuing these BONUS episodes to explore other topics related to mental illness in order to give the listeners additional content. If you have a suggestion for a topic for a BONUS episode, or if you’d simply like to connect, please email me at thedepressionfiles@gmail.com.

For nearly three years, I’ve been publishing episodes of The Depression Files podcast every other Sunday. These are interviews of men who have dealt with depression and/or other mental illnesses. I believe very strongly in the power of sharing stories as a way of chipping away at the stigma. The more we share our own stories, the more others are willing to share their stories and, more importantly, willing to reach out for the help they may need.

While I was originally planning to interview only men with depression, I soon realized that many of the men I was interviewing were dealing with other, usually co-existing, mental illnesses. While this wasn’t my intention, I’m so glad that it happened, as it has allowed the listeners (and selfishly, me) to learn about so many different types of mental illnesses.

In addition to the plethora of mental illnesses, I have intentionally sought out a vastly diverse group of men to interview. I’ve interviewed veterans, musicians, athletes, therapists, doctors, black men, a transgender man, authors, educators, firefighters, social workers, nurses, movie producers, gay men, tv personalities, and more!

I’ve finally come to a point where I am now expanding the show. I am now producing Bonus episodes. These episodes, published on some of the “off” Sundays, consist of an interview with someone on a topic related to mental illness, but not necessarily a lived story. Last Sunday (July 19, 2020), I published my first Bonus episode. This was an interview with Michael Pipich LMFT. Michael has focused his work on bipolar disorder and has even authored a book on the subject, Owning Bipolar: How Patients and Families Can Take Control of Bipolar Disorder.

I will soon be publishing a Bonus episode of an interview with Dr. Peter Gutierrez on the topic of suicide and another Bonus episode with Dr. Sam Ko on the topic of delivering ketamine intravenously to treat drug-resistant depression. Other topics that I hope to publish include a patient who has received ketamine or a psychedelic for treatment of depression (or another mental illness), family members living with someone with a mental illness, and patients who have received less common treatments for their mental illness.

There are several ways that you can help to support the program: 1) Leaving a rating and review on iTunes (by going to the show on iTunes and clicking on “Ratings and Reviews”), 2) Subscribe/Follow the show, or 3) Donate through my Patreon page to help me offset the cost of the show.

As always, questions and/or comments to this post (or any others) is welcomed and encouraged. In addition, feel free to email me at thedepressionfiles@gmail.com with suggestions of other Bonus episodes or simply to connect with me. Thank you for the support!

It’s the damndest thing, isn’t it? How a mental health condition can take you on a wild ride of feeling worthless to feeling super productive. Feeling like a one on the wellness meter is by no means where I aspire to be. No, I love the moments in time when I feel well. It’s where we all strive to be but, I have to be honest, it’s hard to know where to draw the line.

Take last week for example, what a wonderful period of time. I took the opportunity to spend time with some good friends and even attended a community outing. A gathering that was full of strangers no less.

Sadly, I still fell victim to the powers of mental illness

While being social and getting out to public places is crucial, I sometimes forget that I am still fighting for the resilience required to handle it all. When I am at the top of my game; I stop paying attention to the fact that mental illness is all an ebb and flow.

Self care tips on maintaining mental wellness.

And, like radiation, if exposed to triggers for too long, I slowly start to become symptomatic. The best way to avoid a crash is knowing your tolerances, a skill that I don’t always adhere to. Trust me, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just feeling good makes me forget.

The trouble with forgetting is, is sooner or later, PTSD will remind me that it was only taking a nap. A sad reality I was reminded of the other day when I was so mentally drained, I slept all day. Oops. As a consequence, I am still feeling its effect two days later.

I have learned to embrace them and see them as my new normal.

Where to draw the line

Sadly, I still fall victim to the powers of mental illness and because of that, I am not ready for the real world; not for eight hours a day, five days a week. While that fact is a crystal clear one, I nonetheless do what I can in these situations to measure any semblance of success. This time, however, I failed to see where to draw the line.

You know what? That’s ok. One of the areas of mass improvement for me is that I have learned not to beat myself up over it. It’s not a regression, it’s a mistake that leads to a temporary setback; one in I will recover from with a little downtime and some good self-care.

Like what you are reading? Check out Why You Shouldn’t Quit

Along my road to mental wellness, I have learned a lot along the way. One of them is that I must accept that there are going to be setbacks. In fact, I have learned to embrace them and see them as my new normal.

So, where does this leave me this week? Well, I have purposefully kept my schedule light and have my to-do list short. My recovery is contingent on a low key, low stimulus environment; loosely translated, I’m gonna stay home.

Well, with that said, get out there and test your boundaries to see where you are at. If for whatever reason you can’t find where to draw the line, no worries; It simply means that you may have to do a reset with a lighter schedule and some “me” time. You know what? It really is ok. No self-blame needed.

Want to help make my book a reality? Donate here: GoFundMe

Contact: The Road To Mental Wellness

Bio: Addictions counsellor by trade, John spent 15 years in the volunteer fire service and nearly 20 years working in a long-term care setting, helping those with mental disabilities and mental illness. Off work because of his mental heath injury, PTSD. He dedicates his time to his blog and his book The Road To Mental Wellness where he is telling his story about his struggles with PTSD, depression and anxiety, hoping it will resonate with others. He is also very active politically, fighting for mental illness at the policy and legislative levels.

He regularly meets with people, both online and in person to help them with their own mental health struggles. He lives in Nova Scotia, Canada with his partner and two children.

If you haven’t yet checked out my podcast TheDepressionFiles.com/podcast, please do! I interview men who have struggled with depression and/or other mental illnesses. This is my 56th episode! I publish a new episode every other Sunday. You’ll hear interviews with an incredibly diverse group of men, from an NFL offensive linesman, to a black male advocate, to an ER surgeon, to military vets, first responders, a Hollywood producer and many more. You’ll learn about illnesses such as major depression, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar 1 & 2, borderline personality disorder and more! Register/Subscribe now and don’t miss a single episode!

My latest episode is an interview with Logan Lynn, American musician, writer, producer, filmmaker, TV personality, mental health advocate, and LGBT Activist (recorded 9-9-19). Logan shares his incredible story of surviving childhood sexual abuse and the impact it had on his entire family. He describes being outed by a therapist after sharing with him that he was gay. Logan also shares how the music scene and his early popularity fueled his 16-year addiction of cocaine, alcohol, and crack. It wasn’t until he suffered a TIA (a mini-stroke) and entered a program specifically for dual diagnoses (addiction & mental health) that he was able to finally become healthy.

Logan received the prestigious 2017 Award of Excellence from the National Council for Behavioral Health for his advocacy work in music, TV, film and community, and for founding the Keep Oregon Well campaign to fight the stigma of mental illness. In 2018 Kink FM named him one of The Portland 50, honoring the people who “dreamt, built and championed the innovation, growth and uniqueness of Portland”. His “My Movie Star” is currently up for three Grammy Awards.

You can find out more about Logan on his website. You’ll also find him on Facebook, Twitter and on Instagram.

If you enjoyed this episode, please click the ‘like’ button. Also, please take a moment to comment and rate the show on iTunes. Finally, don’t miss an episode! Click the subscribe/follow button now!

In addition to The Depression Files podcast, you can find Al’s blog at TheDepressionFiles.com. There, you can also find out how to work with Al as a coach or schedule him for a public speaking event. You will also find Al on Twitter @allevin18.

“Of course everyone has challenges in life, but not everyone has a mental illness. That shit is hard.”

I wish I could remember the name (or at least user name) of the wise soul who fired that rebuttal into the Twitterverse in response to one of the many attempts that I’ve witnessed to downplay, oversimplify, or even reframe another person’s lived experience with mental illness. Mental illness is different for everybody, but what I like to call “the language problem” makes is very difficult to move past, what I thought, was this fairly self-evident and uncontroversial statement.

Let me explain.

The language problem in mental illness is very much an extension of humans’ imprecise use of language in general. Definitions and intent are necessary to construct meaning; otherwise, communication between becomes challenging, if not downright impossible. This problem is compounded when discussing mental illness, because it is hard to find another illness where this problem is encountered. Even in this introduction, when I describe mental illness as an illness, there will be people who challenge it. Indeed, a person can have poor mental health and not have a mental illness, but what delineates the two? Is it symptom duration? Quantity? Severity? The presence or absence of a formal diagnosis? The person’s choice (or lack thereof) to identify with the mental health community? The four quadrant model of mental health is based on this very distinction.

I define the language problem, at its base, as the ability for two people, both describing a poor mental health experience, to use the same words and terms, diagnostic or otherwise, and have remarkably different experiences – and both be right. Using DSM-IV-TRcriteria for Major Depressive Disorder, for example, Zimmerman et al. (2015) showed that there are 227 possible ways to meet the symptom criteria for diagnosis – though only170 combinations occurred in practice.[1]I am not a diagnostician, and do not believe that the DSM is the only way to categorize mental disorders; but using this one example, how close are we to describing depression, let alone understanding, adequately treating, or curing it, if you can be diagnosed with it in 170 (227) different ways? (As an aside, I suspect the wide variation in antidepressant treatment response rate stems from the equally wide variation in symptoms subsumed under the overarching construct of ‘depression,’ but I digress.)

I’ve always admired the work of Therese Borchard, and in one of my favourite pieces on the subject, she  writes: “I wish people knew that depression doesn’t happen in a vacuum and is part of an intricate web of biological systems (nervous, digestive, endocrine, respiratory), that depression is about the gut as well as the brain, the thyroid and the nerves, that we would have better health in this country if we approached depression with a holistic view.”[2]

Stated another way, your depression is not my depression. Similarly, your anxiety is not my anxiety. Your schizophrenia is not my schizophrenia. There was a time when all mental illness was classified as either “hysteria” or “melancholy.” At least we’ve added a few more terms to our vernacular since 6500 BC. At least we’ve become a little more precise.

The brain is the most complex organ in the human body; theoretical physicist Michio Kaku even called it “the most complicated object in the known universe.” In 2019, we all have to get along with the language we have, until something more precise comes along to aid in our understanding and treatment. In the mean time, be compassionate, and seek understanding. Progress will follow. It’s already happening.

And just remember: everyone has challenges, but not everyone has a mental illness. That shit is hard.

[1]https://doi.org/10.1016/j.comppsych.2014.09.007

[2]https://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/what-i-wish-people-knew-about-depression/

Derek Chechak (August 2019)

Dr. Derek Chechak is a manager employed with the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) in Toronto, Ontario, and a sessional instructor with the School of Social Work at Memorial University in St. John’s, Newfoundland. He is a Registered Social Worker, having earned his BA in Psychology (2008), Bachelor of Social Work (Honors; 2008), and Master of Social Work (2009) degrees from King’s University College at Western University, and his PhD in Social Work (2015) from Memorial University.

Dr. Chechak`s experience includes over ten years of experience in community-based health care, specialized mental health care including forensic social work and assertive community treatment, work in the developmental services sector, and a clinical leadership role for an employee assistance provider. He is a published peer-reviewed author in the areas of workplace violence, workplace wellness, workplace health services, social work value conflicts, alcohol regulation, and mental health case management.

Dr. Chechak is also the sole proprietor of #FixWorkFirst, a consulting service that helps employers foster workplace wellness using a comprehensive foundation based on workplace health assessments, a multifaceted approach to addressing areas of concern, and a focus on psychological health and safety.

He is also a person with lived mental health experience, who openly shares his experiences living with treatment-resistant depression and chronic anxiety since 2006.

Men out there: when was the last time you checked in with yourself? No, I don’t mean the last time you had a guy’s night out or spent time in your man cave; I mean really looked inward and assessed your emotional health. In my professional practice, I have found that men tend to skip this incredibly valuable practice and, in doing so, threaten not only their emotional health but also the health of their relationships. Repressed emotions can lead to self-dissatisfaction, relationship turmoil, and even the destruction of relationships with infidelity. To avoid these pitfalls, men can make use of techniques of mindfulness and selfishness to improve their relationships and gain more satisfaction in their daily lives.

Men and the Tendency to Suppress Emotions

One of the root causes I have discovered that can make men disconnect from their relationships is avoiding or ignoring their emotions. Wanting to be the stereotypically strong figure in the relationship, these men often work not to tap into how they feel and what they want, but rather to simply make the relationship work. Some are even afraid to share how they feel because they think it is not their place in a relationship to do so. When these feelings are not addressed, though, the self is left to find other ways to cope. It’s a slippery slope: some small, unresolved emotions can easily snowball into frustration and hostility because, no matter how hard you try to tuck those feelings away, they won’t disappear until they are acknowledged or addressed. Without the appropriate processing or response, these feelings are left to fester and can ultimately result in a disconnect from the relationship, growing animosity with a partner, or even a wandering eye to an affair with someone else that seems “easier” than solving issues at home.

Top Signs this Suppression is Occurring

Having worked with a number of patients grappling with these issues over the years, I’ve uncovered some telltale symptoms of an untapped well of feelings bubbling behind some men’s facades. One is that they make statements that hint at deeper anxiety underneath the surface. Phrases like “my wife complains about my Sunday golf games every week, but I don’t let it bother me,” tell me that such comments actually do bother the patient but that he is unaware of how to resolve them. Another sign is that a patient will displace his personal or relationship frustrations onto things or places. When a patient tells me, “I cannot stand our couples’ Florida vacations – there are too many people,” I tend to dig deeper and often discover that his dislike is not of Florida or vacation; it is the stress that he feels in his relationship that he is projecting onto these trips. As with other relationships, it is much easier to cope when we can assign our frustrations to things or places rather than the people we love. A final sure sign that my male patients aren’t getting to the root of their problems is when they qualify every statement they make. “I find my wife’s attitude a little annoying during conflicts,” should not be shrugged off as a passing irritation but rather should be read as if it is the tip of the iceberg: if a male patient has held on to this “little” annoyance, it obviously is of a much more substantial proportion underneath the surface.

Why Men Should Make Space for Selfishness

If any of these patients sound like something you have said in the past, the good news is that there is a simple salve for these scenarios: tap into your self, let those emotions out, and make space for you by setting healthy boundaries. This is where SELFishness comes in: if you can pay attention to yourself and your feelings and respond to them directly, you can resolve conflicts before they even begin. By attending to your feelings, you bring the whole you to your relationships; you are no longer distracted by those repressed points of anger but rather have tapped into your true motivations and can be your genuine self. With that self revealed, it is equally crucial that you set realistic and healthy boundaries in your professional and personal relationships. This means that, beyond assessing your self, you should also set limits for yourself in the workplace and at home. You should strike a balance between professional goals and personal pleasures, and you should also explore your relationships – whether fraternal, familial, or romantic – to ensure that you are engaging in them all with your true self.

From My Experience

I know, you’re probably saying to yourself that this is easier said than done, and I wholeheartedly agree. I can appreciate that sometimes we want a relationship to work so very badly that we abandon our true feelings and emotions thinking we can make any scenario work. Having worked with numerous patients who come into my practice in that frame of mind, I can safely say that tucking these feelings away never ends well. Many relationships in jeopardy that come to my couch are in such a perilous state because emotions were not addressed and the self was lost in a larger quest to keep the relationship on an even keel. This is where we begin the work together to tap into the self, and typically soon after my patients begin to realize that by being selfish they actually become better people in the other relationships in their lives.

Be a Man . . . and Be Mindful of Your Emotions

It can be hard to admit that our feelings hold such sway over us, but what is easy is tapping into those emotions and rediscovering the self. The more we are in tune with our self, the more we will be able to give back to those around us. Regardless of whether this means a healthier working environment or a more positive home life, it’s time to man up and mind those emotions.

Dr. Laura Dabney has been in practice in Virginia Beach for almost twenty years and has treated patients in more than a dozen cities across Virginia. Her psychiatric expertise has been featured on radio and in print media, and she consults for a number of large institutions, including the Virginia Veterans Administration Medical Center. She received her MD from Eastern Virginia Medical School and has been Board Certified in Psychiatry. Laura Dabney, MD has made a career of taking on psychiatry’s toughest challenges from treating complex, combined medical and psychological conditions, to ensure the absolute privacy of powerful, high-profile patients. Dr. Dabney has, for decades, helped her patients change their lives and relationships for the better. And they recognize her for it.